Dearest Edward
by Leigh Warner
Summary: Bella writes a letter to Edward to explain everything she has felt for him over the years. This is a story of love and loss. It will only be two chapters long.
1. Chapter 1

***This story came to me while I was listening to One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. I tweaked it and this is what I came up with. It's my first time writing angst so please be kind.**

***I thank BooysBoys Ficster for cleaning up the grammar and spelling errors.**

***No copyright infringement was intended and all things related belong to their respective owners. I just came up with this plot line.**

My Dearest Edward,

I know that you will never read this letter that I have poured my soul into, but it somehow brings me some comfort, and it makes me feel a little closer to you by writing my feelings.

I'm sorry I never told you all I wanted to say. I was never able to bring up the courage to tell you exactly how I felt—and still feel—about you. Now it's too late to hold you, and to be with you and love you like you deserved because you've flown away; so far away.

I can't keep the tears from falling every time I think of you. When you left you took a part of me that can never be repaired. I tried to move on and be happy, but you were, and will always be, mine forever.

All I can do is hope that someday we can be together in some way. I pray that you will want me the way I want you, because I don't know If I can handle going there and you either don't want me, or aren't there at all.

Would it please you to know that I tried relationships? I tried to fall in love, but it never worked out. I could never give them my whole heart, and I think they felt that I wasn't really in love with them. I did have feelings, but it was never the love I feel for you.

Did you ever feel anything more than friendship for me? Sometimes I felt like there was something there between us, but then you would introduce me to a new girlfriend of yours and I would feel my heart break. I would just push my feelings for you down and try to continue being your friend.

I never imagined that I would have to live life without your smile. I assumed that you would always be there. I remember how you would always say, "There is somebody out there for everyone, B. You will find your forever, just have hope."

Little did you know that I found my forever in my front yard when I was six years old. A little boy walked over to me from the neighboring yard and asked if he could play. I knew even then that was the person I wanted to spend every day with for the rest of my life. He smiled at me and said, "You're beautiful. Do you want to be my best friend?"

That little boy was you, Edward.

When you asked if I wanted to go to the prom with you because your date cancelled was one of the happiest days of my life. For one day I got to pretend that I was yours forever. When we were dancing to Shania Twain's 'From This Moment', and you leaned down and planted a soft kiss on my lips, I thought my heart would explode from happiness. Then you looked into my eyes, turned and ran outside.

I thought you were feeling sick, so I decided to give you a few minutes to yourself. When I walked outside and couldn't find you, I began to panic. Then I walked around to the back of the building and found you. You weren't alone. You were with Jessica and you were having sex with her up against the side of the building. I stood there in shock, and then Jessica saw me watching. She grinned at me and mouthed the words, "Mine now, bitch," before she screamed out her climax.

I turned and ran. It took me hours to get home. I had no money for a cab, and I didn't have a phone to call someone for a ride. I'm just glad that Charlie was at work that night, because I was a mess of emotions by the time I got back.

I didn't talk to you for weeks after that. You tried calling me—you even came to my house each day. You didn't give up, even when Charlie told you "Edward, you have upset her badly. I don't know what you did, but I think you should give her space," you still didn't stop trying.

I was finally starting to get over my heart break from you kissing me, and then finding you with Jessica, when I found out she was pregnant. I felt that our relationship was forever damaged. Oh, we continued to talk but it was never the same.

You stepped up and became the doting father I knew you would be. You joined the army and loved every moment of it. The only thing that made you happier than the army was when your son, Xavier, was born. I had never seen you love anyone the way you love him.

Then you had to move away for your work. I didn't see you very often after that but the first time you returned to town to visit Xavier, I saw you playing in the park with him and I realized that I had never stopped loving you.

I became as much a part of Xavier's life as you—especially after Jessica ran off and left him with you. We became a family, of sorts. When you were working I would take care of Xavier and make sure that the house was clean and stocked with food. Sometimes, I would catch you watching me with an odd expression on your face, but then it would be gone and you went back to being your usual charming self.

The day that you asked me if I would become a legal guardian for Xavier was both shocking and joyful. Of course, I said yes. I had grown to love that boy as if he were my own child. In a way, I guess he was. Eventually, I moved in with you and Xavier, and our little family got closer.

Do you remember that one night when Xavier was staying at Charlie's—or Gramp's house, as Xavier called him—and you had gone out drinking with Emmett and Jasper? I was having a quiet time at home and was in the kitchen making myself some tea when you walked in and wrapped your arms around me from behind and rested your chin on my shoulder. My heart was almost pounding out of my chest. I'm surprised you didn't hear it.

You asked me, "B, have I told you how special you are and what a wonderful job you are doing with Xavier?" You spun me around to face you and left your hands resting on my hips. "I would never have been able to do this on my own, B. I'm so grateful every day that you're in my life." You raised your hands and placed them on either side of my face. We stood there looking into each other's eyes when you suddenly leaned forward and placed your lips against mine.

My heart exploded with joy—just like the night at prom. You pulled back and looked into my eyes again, almost searching for something. I thought you would turn and leave the room, but all of a sudden you pressed yourself against me and kissed me with such passion, I almost passed out.

You lifted me and sat me on the counter, parting my legs and placing yourself between them. Your hands were roaming all over my body, and you were mumbling things into my shoulder and neck as you kissed me on every inch of skin you could get to.

I moaned from the absolute bliss I was feeling, and before I knew it, you swept me up in your arms and carried me to your room. Laying me on your bed, you stripped my clothes from me, before your own. The moment you started making love to me my world became so much more. I finally knew what it was like to feel and have all of you. I never knew I could be so happy.

The next morning I got up and went to shower. You were sleeping soundly, so I decided to let you rest before Xavier came home. When I was finished showering, I quickly got dressed and went down to the kitchen wanting to make you some breakfast. I danced around on air from the happiness I felt, and hope that this was the start of our forever.

You walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. I handed you a coffee, and you sat there, obviously lost in your thoughts. What you said next broke me into a million pieces, "B, did I bring someone home last night? There were women's panties on my floor when I woke up. I hope whatever I did last night didn't wake you up. The last thing you need is me keeping you up all night."

My heart broke when I realized that you didn't remember anything about what happened between us. You must have been too drunk. I quickly placed your breakfast in front of you and ran from the room. I sat alone in my room crying for hours. I thought it was finally our time to be together, only to have my hope pulled away from me again.

We slipped back into our usual routine after that day. Everything was normal until the day you got the phone call. Your father had been in an accident, and your mother needed you to come home. It made me sad that you and Xavier would be leaving, but your mom needed you.

You were gone for a few weeks. We spoke frequently and constantly emailed each other. Then, one day you called with news that hurt me more than that morning in our kitchen. You weren't coming home. Your father had been injured so badly he would never be the same again. You made the decision to move back to your home town to help your parents whenever you could.

I couldn't move there with you. Between my job and helping Charlie, I couldn't leave. We kept in contact and spoke nearly every day. Then slowly the calls and emails started to dwindle down until they were almost non-existent. By that point we were lucky if we spoke once every six months.

The years started to pass slowly. We lost contact, but I heard along the grapevine that you got married. I'm glad you found someone to love you. I would have given my soul for it to be me who married you.

Now I have come to the end of my time on this earth. I didn't want to tell you, but I found out a year ago that I have cancer. I'm sure if I had tried hard enough I would have found you, but I didn't want you to worry about me, or for it to disrupt your life. I know you would have dropped everything to come help me. After all, we have been best friends since we were six years old.

The cancer is quite aggressive and untreatable; you won't have been able to help me get better anyway. You will just watch me die, and I don't want you to have to go through that. I've been fighting it for as long as I can, but it has beaten me, Edward. I can feel myself slipping away, and I know that my time has come.

So, my love, live long, be happy, and know that I have loved you for every day that I have lived.

You were, and will always be, my forever, Edward.

Xoxo,

Bella.

**AN: Please review and let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

***This story came to me while I was listening to One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. I tweaked it and this is what I came up with. It's my first time writing angst so please be kind.**

***I thank BooysBoys Ficster for cleaning up the grammar and spelling errors. I also thank my wonderful pre reader Loopy Lou.**

***No copyright infringement was intended and all things related belong to their respective owners. I just came up with this plot line.**

I fell back against my pillows and folded the letter up. I closed my eyes but still felt the tears pour from them and run down my face. I turned and picked up the pen and paper from my bedside drawer and began to write.

My beautiful Bella,

Bella, my love, my sweet, I can't believe you're gone. I know you said you didn't want to disrupt my life with news of your illness but you should have called me. I would have at least liked the chance to hold you one last time.

You thought I would never read your letter to me, but Charlie found it amongst your things and looked up my address when he saw my name on the front of the envelope. He sent it to me with some of your belongings he thought I might like.

I remember how you and I would email and talk all the time, and those brief moments were what kept me going. Then I heard that you had met someone. It broke my heart. It made me both happy and sad that you tried to live a normal, happy life after I left. I always wanted you to be happy, B, even if that was with someone else. I didn't expect you to wait for me, but I kind of hoped you would.

I guess I was blind. I never knew how you felt about me. If I had known how much you loved me I would had done everything I could for us to be together. Both of us were crazy for not having the courage to tell each other how we felt. There isn't anything we can do about that now, but can you imagine how happy we could have been together?

When I left it didn't just break your heart it broke mine as well. My life just never felt right; it always seemed like there was something missing. I know now that missing thing was you.

We will be together again someday, B. I know it can't be in this life, but I will move heaven to make sure it happens for us in the next one. I will always want you, B. I will want you until the world stops spinning. I have thought about you every day. I just wish that I had been man enough to walk back into your life.

I didn't think you remembered how we first met. That day when we were six is still one of the most wonderful and precious memories that I have. You were so beautiful just sitting there in your yard playing. I'm just glad you said yes to being my friend instead of sending the neighbour kid on his way. I mean, who would just take a perfect stranger into their life the way you did?

Prom night was one of the best nights for me too, B. The whole night was fun, but when we were dancing I knew I had to kiss you. I'm glad I did, because it was one of the most amazing kisses of my life. When I looked into your eyes and saw the shock on your face, I thought I had fucked up so I turned and ran. What happened with Jessica was a drunken and stupid attempt at pushing my feelings aside, because I thought that was what you wanted. The only good that came from that drunken encounter was Xavier.

When you refused to talk to me for weeks after that night I felt that my world had stopped spinning. I kept on trying and wasn't going to give up until you forgave me.

I loved being in the army. I was able to give Xavier everything his heart desired. The only thing I hated was being away from the two loves of my life; my son and you.

It broke my heart seeing our son hurting when his mom left him. You were wonderful helping me raise him, and keeping the house functioning. I felt so lost when Jessica left; I had no idea what to do or where to start. Slowly we became a family, and the only thing that made sense was to make you Xavier's legal guardian.

The day I asked you and you said yes was the most wonderful day of my life. When you moved in with us I thought that everything would just go along as normal, but when I saw what a wonderful mommy you were I fell in love with you more.

I found myself staring at you in a daze imagining what it would be like to be your partner, lover; your everything. I thought I was discreet enough to hide my daydreams and staring from you, but I guess I wasn't.

I remember the early part of that night when I went out drinking with Jasper and Emmett. Then the night became a blur. I'm so sorry that I hurt you the way I did, Bella. You have to know that I would never hurt you intentionally; I would die before hurting you.

All I could think about when I woke the next morning and found the panties on the floor and the scent of perfume on my pillow, was that I had betrayed you. I lost track of how long I paced around my room to afraid to go downstairs and face you. The same thoughts kept running around my head. What if you screamed at me? What if you said you didn't want to live with me anymore? Why did I keep failing you with my drunken moments of weakness? I sat on my bedroom floor and cried from fear of losing you.

There you were running our home and helping me raise our son and I had gone and brought some whore back to the place that was our sanctuary from the world. I thought I had ruined our chance of ever being together.

I decided to go down stairs and face my fate.

When I walked into the kitchen and saw you singing and dancing while you cooked our breakfast I wanted to cry. You looked happier than I had ever seen you.

When I asked you if I had brought someone home and you ran from the room, I wanted to die. I thought that everything I had feared was true.

B, you have to know that you were the only woman I ever wanted. The only one who I wanted to make love with, to be Xavier's mom and to hopefully become my wife one day.

From that moment I vowed that I would remain true to you. If I couldn't have you, B, I didn't want anyone else. I haven't been with any other women since that night, because it would feel like I had betrayed you. I belong to you and have since we were six year olds playing in the garden of your house.

After that night we went back to our normal routine of caring for Xavier, working and running the house. I still felt like dirt for betraying you, but it was something I had to live with. I felt I deserved to live with the guilt for what I had done.

Everything was going fine until the day that I got that phone call saying dad had been in an accident. Mom needed me to come home to help arrange for dad's care. It killed me that Xavier and I would be leaving you for a while and that I wouldn't get to see you, but I had to go.

Those first few weeks I was away were only just tolerable because of our constant phone calls and emails. Then I found out that dad had been injured so badly that he was going to need constant care; care that mom couldn't provide on her own.

I was torn. Mom needed me to stay and help her, but I wouldn't have you. Eventually, I had to make the heart breaking choice to move back to my hometown. When I broke the news to you it was the most devastating thing I have ever had to do. I wish that you could have moved here too, but you needed to stay for your job and for Charlie.

We tried to stay in contact after I left, but eventually our calls and emails dwindled down to almost nothing. Before I even knew what had happened, years had passed and we had lost contact.

I never forgot you, B. I thought of you every day. I told myself every single day that I would move back to be with you. Now I will never get the chance to come back to you or see you again, and it has ripped my soul into two.

B, I don't know who told you that I got married. I never married and I never dated anyone. I am and will always be yours. My beautiful, B, I would have given anything for you to be my wife.

I still can't believe that you didn't call me when you found out about your illness. You're damn right; I would have dropped everything to come help you. I may not have been able to help you get better, but I could have at least made you comfortable and happy for the remainder of your life.

Xavier still talks about you. Oh, B, You would be so proud of the man he has become. He worked his butt off through school always saying, "I want to make mommy Bella proud." He never forgot you, B. You were never far from his thoughts, and I constantly dreamed of you, of what we could have been.

I can't tell your how much I'm hurting at the moment. Hurting that we never got our happy ending and hurting more that you're gone and I will never get the chance to right the wrongs. So Bella wherever you are please know that I too have loved you for every day of my life and will love you until the end of time.

You too will always be my now and forever.

XoXo,

Edward.

I fell back against my pillows exhausted from my grief and fell into a deep sleep. When I opened my eyes, I found a blinding light pouring through my window. I groaned, sat up and looked to the end of my bed. When I did, I found the most beautiful and glorious sight before me.

"What's happening? This has to be a dream," I babbled between sobs.

"It's no dream, my love. I have come for you. Your time is over and we get to have our happy ever after," Bella said smiling.

I stood up from my bed and looked down at my body lying motionless; it looked like I was sleeping.

Questioning, I looked at Bella, still sure that this was a dream. How else could she be here?

Bella walked up beside me, took my hand in hers, and then rested her head against my shoulder. Looking down at my body she whispered, "I was told that it was a broken heart that caused you to pass away."

As sad as I was that my life was over, I couldn't help but be insanely happy that I finally got to be with my one and only love.

I kissed my girl on the lips and said, "Let's go home and have our forever."

We turned away and walked into the light and to our happy ever after.

**A.N: I do have something in the works for you. I hoped you like this story and I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to read and review it.**


	3. Chapter 3

***This story came to me while I was listening to One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. I tweaked it and this is what I came up with. It's my first time writing angst so please be kind.**

***I thank BooysBoys Ficster for cleaning up the grammar and spelling errors. I also thank my wonderful pre reader Loopy Lou.**

***No copyright infringement was intended and all things related belong to their respective owners. I just came up with this plot line.**

To my loving mommy, Bella,

I found your letter amongst dad's possessions. The day he told me that you had passed away broke both our hearts. I never forgot you, Mom. You were my world.

When we found dad in his bed, the letter that you wrote him was on his pillow. I knew how much it meant to him to hear from you, even if it was too late. I was shocked that he had written a letter to you; a reply that you would never read. When I sat down to read it, I knew instantly that a broken heart had taken him—hopefully to you.

He never forgot you, Mom. You were his world and he was always talking about you. As sad as I am that I have lost you both, I'm hoping that you are finally together.

Mommy, I have something that I have to tell you. I have just become a father. My fiancé, Sophia, and I have just had a baby girl. I would have loved for both of you to meet the two loves of my life, but I know that you are looking down at us and smiling.

Do you want to know what we called our baby girl, Mom? We both knew her name as soon as we looked at our daughter for the first time.

We named her Bella, in honour of you.

Please know, Mom, that I love you and Dad with all my soul, and that my daughter and any future children will know who you are and the way you helped shape me into the man I am today.

It was you who I strive to be like. Even though you weren't in my life, everything I did was because of the way you and Dad brought me up.

I love you, Mommy, and will every day until my time is up and I get to be with you and dad again; to become the family we have always been.

XoXo,

Xavier.

**A.N: Well there it is. Dearest Edward is finished. Let me know what you think of it. I hoped you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**


End file.
